Only A Lad

I went to the gym! Let the parade comence!

Today, a few odd things happened.

I hopped on the elliptical, as usual and cranked up my gym mix (Gwen Stephani, Billy Idol, Oingo Boingo, etc.) As soon as I really got going, two women (both of whom were in fantastic shape, by the look of them) got on the machines on either side of me. Which was odd, because there were a bunch of empty machines down on the end.

One looked like a college student, and the other was textbook trophy wife, down to the immobile breast implants, orange tan, lip collagen and pink lycra half-shirt.

They both kept looking over at me and watching me in the mirror and increasing their speeds accordingly, but they both ended up giving out before I did. I am not sure if it was some weird competitive fitness thing or what, but I sort of ignored them both and they eventually went away. Freakness!

Then I finished and headed out, and the gym desk staff remember my name. Considering that I have been to the gym more in the past week or so than in the past year, I guess that isn't too surprising.

So, out to the car. I was wearing the torturous jogbra, a black tank from Old Navy, and some black yoga pants, with my sweatshirt slung around my waist. Hair in a big poof on top of my head, no makeup- the usual gym slob type of thing.

I shove on my sunglasses and start walking through the parking lot, and some guy in a blue Honda Accord slows down and practically stops next to me. He's probably in his mid to late twenties.

This fills me with serious dread. I am all pumped up from the elliptical workout, and I think to myself, "He's going to say someting shitty about my fat ass, and when he does, I will smash his windshield with my iPod and then slit his throat with my gym card." ( I blame the aggression on the adrenaline!)

He didn't say anything, however. He just looked me up and down and smiled at me. In an approving way.

Then I got checked out by several random men on the drive home. I did not have the 'vertible top down, although I was blaring the Ramones, so that might have been why.

Things are beginning to get.......weird.