That's the sound of my feet dragging.

I went to the gym today.

I haven't been logging food. I haven't been exercising. I made cookies and homemade ice cream.

I feel like I do this song and dance so much. I can't seem to let myself get anywhere. I know it's a defeatist attitude.

I am going to make more of an effort this week.

This next bit is NOT an excuse, but more of an explanation- I have a lot on my mind right now. There's a date for surgery set, a surgery that I have been mulling over for the last two years or so. I finally went in to see the specialist a little over a month ago, and after discussing it with The Man, we decided it was the way to go.

The doctor's office called about two weeks ago, and the big day is May 31st. I don't have any life-threatening condition, and it's not any kind of cosmetic procedure. It's covered by insurance. After looking at the odds, it just seemed like the obvious decision- a no-brainer.

Part of me is ecstatic. Part of me is terrified. This is a potentially life-changing decision. And yes, I am being deliberately vague, but it's a "girl thing", and I am not sure that I feel comfortable giving these kind of details to the Whole DAMN Internets.

It's laproscopic, and the doctor doing it is THE GUY. I will hardly have any downtime, just a day or so. I keep repeating this to myself, but it's not very reassurring, I guess. I have had surgery before- a breast reduction when I was 19- I spent time in the hospital. I had eye surgery for a detached retina. Somehow, those decisions weren't as scary as this one is. When you're younger, maybe you don't consider the things that can go wrong?

Outwardly, I have been pretty dismissive and upbeat about the whole shebang. I have a hard time admitting to my husband or my family that I am scared to death, even though I know I am doing the right thing. I guess that I am worried that if I confide to them, I will just totally break down, and they'll try to talk me out of it. And I don't WANT to be talked out of it.

Anyway- that's where my focus has been.