At least it wasn't duct tape.

It may interest you to know: I am being held together with glue.

Seriously. GLUE, people!

When the hospital-type people told me about the glue, I was still a little loopy from the anaesthesia- but luckily, not so loopy that I actually said what I was thinking. Which was, "Really?! When my brother's puppy got spayed, they glued her together too!" Which would kind of make me sound like a weirdo.

So. Here's where I tell you guys what's up.

The Man and I have been trying the whole baby thing for oh...three years now. Being the optimistic creatures we are, and having been on birth control since before time began, I always assumed that getting knocked up would be a piece of cake.

A year went by- no hint of anything. I started to worry. I cut out alcohol. I cut out soy. I took pre-natal vitamins. I took my temperature and charted everything. I bought the excellent book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and read it cover to cover. I went to see a specialist. They asked me all kinds of questions. No cramping, no pain, no facial hair.

I got blood tests. The Man had his equipment looked at. Everything looked absolutely fine, with both of us. I was assurred that my weight was probably not a factor. I finally went to get a procedure known as an HSG, which essentially involves DYE and the female reproductive system.

I'll spare you the gory details, (although, I think you might need to have mental preparation before your ovaries suddenly pop up before your eyes on a movie screen) but they pinned part of the problem down to me having a mysterious blockage, in one of those anotomical female bits (hint- there are two of them.) But I was assurred that getting pregnant would still happen- everything looked healthy, it would just probably take me longer than most people to get pregnant.

The specialist I was seeing sent me to another specialist. The guy looked at all my info, and said that he could surgically open things up, or he could work magic involving fertility drugs and a turkey baster. He very obviously wanted me to go for the turkey baster. I got freaked out, and went back to the original specialist.

The original guy agreed that if I wanted a gradual approach, that was fine. To increase my chances, they put me on Clomid. I became an emotional wreck, and became hysterical while watching Cold Mountain and March Of The Penguins. Still nothing.

I quit my job. It wasn't a big sacrifice (since I hated it), but I thought stress might be a factor. Another year went by- Nothing.

At this point, I started panicking. I always had that "first baby by 30" idea drummed into my head. I went back to the second specialist at the beginning of the year. Once again, they pushed fertility drugs, maybe in conjunction with the turkey baster. Just an FYI- these drugs usually run about $1500 per month. They aren't covered by our insurance. The procedure going along with it? Another big chunk of change, also NOT covered. Ouch. Oh- and with the blocked tube? They'd probably have to "cancel" treatment every other month, if I was ovulating on the blocked side.

I thought about it. The more I thought, the madder I got. I decided to go ahead with the surgical procedure to open things up. That way, even if we had to pursue other stuff later, it would be every month, and...well, my chances would be better- right?

I looked it up online. 60% chance of a successful pregnancy after surgery. Insurance pays for it. I was both thrilled and infuriated. Why hadn't they shared this info with me?! It was obviously the smart choice to make. My thoughts are that fertility medicine= big bucks, and it's just easier for them to toss you a prescription and send you on your way.

I scheduled the surgery. I feel pretty damn good right now for someone who is glued together in two places, but that might just be the Demerol talking.

The best part? I made the right decision. When they went in, they discovered that the cause of the blockage was mild endometriosis, which I had NO symptoms of and thus, nobody had any clue that I had it. So it's treated and cleaned up- and that 60% statistic will hopefully work in my favor within the next couple of months.