*urp*

I just made some fantastic-smelling vegetable soup. I wish I knew how it tasted, but I am feeling a little...off.

I am waiting for it to cool off so I can stuff it in the fridge and GO TO BED already. Unfortunately, I took an Excedrin Migraine a couple of hours ago, and I a high on caffiene like you wouldn't believe.

Since I am up, I have cleaned out the fridge, made a shopping list, and am messing around with a "daily menu".

It's a bunch of stuff that I like, that I wouldn't mind eating with small alterations every day, and makes provisions for my weird new schedule (the one where I leave the house at 2PM, and often don't get back until 8 PM.) This schedule, among other things, is kicking the ass of any healthy eating habits I may have had. Home! Starving! CHOCOLATE! NOW!!!!!!!

Enter the veggie soup, which I made up as I cleaned out the fridge and freezer. If I decide that it's fit for human consumption, I will post the recipe tomorrow. It better be good though, because I plan to be eating it for lunch on a regular basis- oh, and the recipe makes like, 18 servings. So if it sucks- um, well, there will be an extended affair with Mr. Garbage Disposal. If it's good, I figure it will be a no-brainer-type way to get my veggies in, since I am not a salad person.

Actually, it was amusing- I plugged everything into FitDay, and it came up with something like 325 calories for a 1.5 cup portion. I KNEW it was wrong- for chicken broth and vegetables? The hell???

Evidently (I give you this info if you happen to be a FitDay aficianado)the culprit? Kidney beans. I shit you not. 4 cups of dry kidney beans are (amazingly!) 2400 calories. If they're canned? About 850 calories. (remember, this is for the whole 18 serving recipe.)

Yes, I know- I need serious help for my obsessive-compulsive calorie counting disorder.

Ugh.

In other news, I have stocked up on trashy novels and DVD's. The fridge gets replenished tomorrow (because The Man will be in charge of the kitchen, and I refuse to be limited to peanut-butter sandwiches). I finish the assesments of the kids I work with and do the labwork tomorrow too. Then I go in for surgery at noon on Wednesday.

I am still nervous- but resigned.

That's the sound of my feet dragging.

I went to the gym today.

I haven't been logging food. I haven't been exercising. I made cookies and homemade ice cream.

I feel like I do this song and dance so much. I can't seem to let myself get anywhere. I know it's a defeatist attitude.

I am going to make more of an effort this week.

This next bit is NOT an excuse, but more of an explanation- I have a lot on my mind right now. There's a date for surgery set, a surgery that I have been mulling over for the last two years or so. I finally went in to see the specialist a little over a month ago, and after discussing it with The Man, we decided it was the way to go.

The doctor's office called about two weeks ago, and the big day is May 31st. I don't have any life-threatening condition, and it's not any kind of cosmetic procedure. It's covered by insurance. After looking at the odds, it just seemed like the obvious decision- a no-brainer.

Part of me is ecstatic. Part of me is terrified. This is a potentially life-changing decision. And yes, I am being deliberately vague, but it's a "girl thing", and I am not sure that I feel comfortable giving these kind of details to the Whole DAMN Internets.

It's laproscopic, and the doctor doing it is THE GUY. I will hardly have any downtime, just a day or so. I keep repeating this to myself, but it's not very reassurring, I guess. I have had surgery before- a breast reduction when I was 19- I spent time in the hospital. I had eye surgery for a detached retina. Somehow, those decisions weren't as scary as this one is. When you're younger, maybe you don't consider the things that can go wrong?

Outwardly, I have been pretty dismissive and upbeat about the whole shebang. I have a hard time admitting to my husband or my family that I am scared to death, even though I know I am doing the right thing. I guess that I am worried that if I confide to them, I will just totally break down, and they'll try to talk me out of it. And I don't WANT to be talked out of it.

Anyway- that's where my focus has been.

Inspiration

I need to gas up the rental car, and therefore, I really don't want to head to the gym.

OK- hear me out!

I got that thing with 1/4 tank of gas in it. Which is about 2/3 of the way empty, so it has to have 1/4 tank when I bring it back.

Anyway, I am stuck here waiting for the guy with the estimates from the insurance company, and I don't want to fill up the gas tank on the rental until I know how long it's going to take to get my car fixed. Obviously, if it's an immediate fix, I don't want to put a full tank in the rental.

Hey, at $3.25 or so a gallon? I reserve the right to drag my feet.

"What the hell does this have to do with weight loss?" I can hear you ask.
Ok. Well, I am trying to figure out ways to conserve fuel. The gym? Instead of mandatory 5 days, it's now three days a week. That way I don't get brned out. The other 2-3 days? I need to dip into my selection of workout videos at home. Blow the dust off those suckers. I have enough cardio under my belt now where I can pretty much keep up with everything, and I am thrilled about that. I also have a lovely cruiser bike and the use of my legs, so I can head out in the sunshine and just sort of enjoy my surroundings when I feel a further need to mix things up.

This was inspired by the lack of gas in the rental car, AND the necessity to wait for the guy at home. So Crunch Fat Burning Ab Attack went into the DVD player, and I was all set.

I give that workout two thumbs up, by the way. Even though the requisite "size 10" girl is stuck in the back for the whole shebang. The instructor wasn't annoying, although I sort of did want to feed her a sandwich.

Sorry- I'm rambling!

Monday Rundown, 5/1/06

Well, I am holding steady weight-wise. I was derailed a bit in my gym attendance this week, due to the fact that my car got broken into- it took me a couple of days to get the rental, and I did some stress-eating.

It's the first of the month though, so it's time for the inch loss.

Neck: 0 inches lost
Bicep: .5 inches lost
Forearm: 1 inch lost
Chest: 1 inch lost
Waist: .5 inches lost
Hips: 0 inches lost
Thigh: 1.5 inches lost
Calf: 0 inches lost

So that's 7.5 MORE inches gone, for a total of 16.5 since I started keeping track. I am trying not to dwell on just how many more inches there are to go...

Weight training is starting this week- hopefully the weight-assisted pull-ups will get easier. I need to put together a more definite routine!