Monday Rundown, 4/24/06

I feel better this week.

Cosidering that I don't think I even did a rundown last week, I think that is somewhat understandable.

The weight is dropping again. I exercised really consistantly when I got back on the wagon after the Easter situation last week, and wow- it's working! I now have the gym planned into my calendar, along with lunches with friends and my work schedule. It is FANTASTIC- I am much more motivated to go if it's on my Outlook schedule. Go figure.

Weight loss this week: 3.8 lbs.

Total weight loss: 11.2 lbs.

I am going to grab some breakfast and hit the gym in a few minutes- today is a busy day, I have the science program to teach and tutoring in the evening, so I better get it in gear. I did sleep in this moring, which felt soooooo luxurious.

Measurements get updated next Monday as well (May 1st). I am actually sort of excited!

The horror!

Curse you, Starbucks! You're kicking my ass.

There is no light version of the Green Tea Frapuccino. Which is what I have been drinking, in blissful ignorance. I just looked up the nutritionals on it, and the resultant scream probably caused my neighbors to call 911 in fear that I was being murdered.

550 calories for a medium (don't even get me started on that grande crap). So- more than a quarter of my daily calories. Holy schnikes.

The sensible solution (yes, I looked) is to switch to an iced, nonfat green tea latte. 190 calories. Still yummy. Saves me 360 calories. No brainer.

This good behavior BS is seriously getting to me. Oh Frappuccino, I hardly knew ye... *sniffle*

So uh- wait. My morbid curiosity got the better of me, and I started looking up some more Starbucks creations. Yes, it gets worse.

Lowfat cinnamon swirl coffee cake? 330 calories. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

Here's the real killer. Maple nut scones. OK, these things are like maple-frosted brickbats, people. Somehow, I thought I was doing myself a favor by forgoing my FAVORITE maple bar doughnuts. Because these aren't as good, they must be better for me. Right?

Starbucks maple nut scone: 580 CALORIES.

Are they injecting these things with lard? I can't figure it out!

For comparision? Maple-frosted Krispy Kreme- 280 calories. Hell, I could have TWO feepin' doughnuts and still come out ahead. How screwed up is THAT? Arrrrgh!

Earth to Jenna....come in, Jenna...

FYI- I wrote this yesterday- Blogger has been pretty surly with me.
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I don't even know where the hell my brain has been for the last week. If I needed to guess, it would have to be Planet Half-assed. Not in a good way (as in, ass shrinkage). In a bad way.

Actually, bad is too strong of a word. That would suggest that I went nuts on Godiva chocolate and Peeps again, which I haven't. I did have some chocolate. Hey, it was Easter. But I couldn't honestly tell you what else I ate, because I stopped logging my meals. And weighing in. For like, a week. I guess I could blame it on that good old time of the month. Or the fact that after I did those tricep dips last week, I couldn't life my arms higher than my waist. For like, three days.

I actually stopped doing anything constructive, including a. cooking, and b. laundry, and c. going to the gym. Oh and d. cleaning. I did get out of bed on occasion. And I went to work. Yeah, I am pretty sure I went to work. Other than that, I am drawing a blank.

All I know is that the dust has now cleared, and my house is a wreck, I have no clean underwear, and there's no chocolate left in the ol' Easter basket.

I started coming back yesterday- went to the gym yesterday and today. I do have a load of laundry percolating, so the underwear prob will be solved. Hey, I know what's important!

Whoops...

Looking at Fitday?

I just realized that I ate less than 700 calories today.

How the $#@^ does THAT happen?

I'd better grab something now. Because otherwise? I will awaken at 6 AM, and will not pass go or collect 200 dollars, I will just insert my face directly into the refrigerator.

Sick of myself

Here's the part where I mention that I have been seeing a therapist. And today, we talked about weight, and my approach to staying accountable, to gaining and losing. And I made the (apparently very intriguing) statement, "Sometimes, being fat is just easier."

She wanted to know what I meant. So I tried to explain it to her. Sort of.

I felt like a kid writing a school report: "What I like about being fat."

1. Fat makes it a lot easier to disappear.

It's like a big, puffy invisibility cloak. The bigger you get, the more easily people's eyes look through you. Which occasionally comes in handy if, say, you just want to pump your gas and not be hassled by a bunch of wankers.

2. Fat is a fantastic filter.

You're pretty sure that whoever likes you- they like you because of you. Not because, "God, you could totally pose for Playboy." Which is actually something some moron said to me, about 12 years and 60 lbs. ago, right before he tried to put the moves on me in his parents hot tub. (They were out of town.)

3. Fat is cozy.

Totally true. Fat people give the best hugs around. And they're generally much warmer to snuggle with than the average population.

4. Fat makes you look younger.

Think I'm lying? Go look at all those skinny little old ladies who have turned thmselves into beef jerky, and then get back to me.

5. Creme brulee. Shut up. there's no way you can argue with that. And if you try, I'll see you and raise you a tiramisu and a champagne dream cake.

My therapist was entertained by my reasoning. She seems to think that another major reason for The Fat Issue with me is that my weight is sort of my passive aggressive way of feeling in control- when I am in fact, miserable, and in the grip of other trauma that I can't control. Which, now that she put two and two together for me, is.....!

Scary. Messed Up. Infuriating. Mind Boggling. Because, whenever I have felt trapped? When I felt like my parents would never be happy with me, when I was stuck in a bad relationship, when Alan went overseas, when I was stuck in the job from hell? I gained weight. Eating was he only thing that made me feel like life wasn't meaningless, and the more I ate, the worse I felt.

And when I moved out, ditched the control-freak boyfriend, Alan came home, and I quit that job? I felt motivated to lose weight. Or sometimes, just magically lost because I wasn't depressed and hungry constantly.

In other news, I went to the gym today. And I worked out harder than I ever have before- I set a new personal record on the elliptical, and also did some back extensions and weight-assisted tricep dips, pull-ups, and chin-ups.

And? I can cross my legs at the knee, which was hard for me before. That's definitely worth celebrating.

Not so good...

I am stalled- probably because my get-up-and-go has deserted me as far as the gym is concerned.

I have been pretty lazy, as well as crazy busy (with the addition of the tutoring job to my schedule!) and hopefully, things will calm down a little and I can get back on track. I am definitely heading to the elliptical first thing tomorrow- I have the day off, so there are no freakin' excuses.

I had some downtime between gigs the other day (we're talking, an hour- and I was clear on the other side of town from my gym), so....I did a little splurging.

Yeah, I bought four pairs of shoes (3 pairs are pictured in the link) within 30 minutes.

I had a bad moment in the checkout line, when I looked up because some random fat woman was staring at me.

Of course, it was a weirdly placed mirror, and that random fat woman? Yours truly.

I am still unsettled by it. Of course, it didn't help that I was tired and my hair was pulled back and my makeup was all sweaty. I was puffy and tired, and my feet were killing me- but still. I didn't recognize myself, even when I took a closer look.

I guess I should be glad that I have thrown myself back into the weight loss battle. I just wish I didn't have those days where I feel like it's not even worth it.

Monday Rundown, 4/10/06

OK, I tried to post this yesterday- and Blogger ate it.
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Here we go...the moment of truth!

This was a good week, although, if I am going to be perfectly candid- I skipped Day 3 at the gym. I know, shoot me.

I did have a 5 lb. loss this week. YES! (Keep in mind- I am going by the loss from my high of this week. About 3.5 of that was weight I had re-gained over the weekend.)

So I got rid of my "oops", plus another 1.5 lbs- So that's...

Atkins: 2 lbs. lost

Week One: 7 lbs. lost

Week Two: 3.5 lbs. GAINED

Week Three: 5 lbs. lost

Total weight lost: 10.5 lbs.

I am definitely satisfied with that.

I am thinking that I'll do the measurements every month- or maybe if I am feeling particularly irritated about my lack of weight loss during a given week? I dunno.

I am going to head to the gym today- I am ahead of the game this morning, and am actually up and out of bed before 9AM, which is a minor miracle.

Hope you're all having a good week!

Aww yeah.

My evil plan? Totally working. FINALLY working. I am back to my low of more than two weeks ago, and I have two days of good behavior between today and the moment of truth on Monday.

I am psyching myself up to make the most of it. I really want to have some new weight loss for last week. Rather than just saying, "Well, all that weight I gained back last week? That's gone now."

The graph of everything in FitDay looks totally insane- my weight looks like this slow, steady downward slope, and then it shoots back up after last weekend. I just can't bear the thought of having two weeks that are technically "wasted"- one week to re-gain the weight, then another to lose it again. Feh!

So- I refuse to rest on my laurels. Back to the gym today and tomorrow- and no Godiva chocolate relapses- and I should be on the right track.

Love/hate relationship

My iPod? Needs a swift kick in the ass.

I settled for beating it against the bar on the elliptical machine, and hissing, "Piece of CRAP!" when it died 20 minutes into my workout today. Which didn't really help, but hey, you never know.

I should probably take it to the Mac Store, but it's a 3rd Generation behemoth, and I doubt they'd service it. I do have a battery backup around here somewhere, so I will probably just resort to that.

I did go to the gym though- yea me! And I made it for 30 inutes instead of the 20 I did the other night. Tomorrow, I am shooting for the extra 5 minutes of cool-down.

Freakin' iPod. Yes, I'm still mad.

Now with more flakes!

Yep. Flaked on the gym yesterday.

The lame-o reason? I seriously couldn't tell you, I did NOTHING yesterday.

Well, OK, I cleaned up the front of the house (which desperately needed it, let me tell you.) I waited for one of my co-workers to come by and pick up some stuff. I put a load of laundry into the washer. Has it made it to the dryer yet? No sir.

Suddenly, after telling myself all day that I would be heading to the gym, I came to my senses in the midst of deleriously watching two back-to-back episodes of Blow Out. Which, if you've never seen it, is some of the most mind-numbing crap on TV. And I am completely addicted. Because when Jonathan Antin throws a tantrum (which he does at least once per episode), he totally goes off the deep end, and it is HILARIOUS.

So yeah. Instead of going to the gym, I went to go see The Jerk with Mr Phancy- it's part of that Flashback Flicks thing that they're doing in Clovis.

I stayed out late, because it's been awhile since Mr. Phancy and I have gotten to hang out and catch up. After the movie, we ended up over at Starbucks, and I tried the new Green Tea Latte (nonfat, of course!), which I actually enjoyed very much. We ended up staying until they kicked us out.

Then I stepped on the scale today, and while my weight is on a downward trend, it's creeeeeeeeeping down slowly and hesitantly, much like a snail with ADD, and it is PISSING ME OFF. But hey, at least it's going down.

In an effort to show an actual loss for this week (and not just losing the weight that I gained over my last weekend's Godiva-and-mochi incidents), I am going to the gym today, tomorrow, AND Sunday. I am already dressed and ready to go for today's installment.

The lesson? If I don't go to the gym in the morning, I WILL NOT GO LATER ON. Again, I am reminded of the snail with ADD.

Oh,one more thing. Fiber is a good thing, but in moderation. If you want to increase the amount in your diet, do it gradually, or you'll seriously regret it. I'll spare you the gory details- just know, You Have Been Warned.

Elliptical, elliptical, elliptical.

I made it to the gym last night, but that's about all I can say. What the hell is with this weather? What the hell is with the Fresno drivers who speed up in the rain? Driving through a downpour with a bunch of crazy people is not my idea of fun.

Anyway- I made it, and I worked out on the elliptical for about 20 minutes before I just crashed and burned. I'd forgotten my water bottle, and I was just exhausted. I guess it's going to take awhile for me to get back to the status quo. I am going back tonight, WITH beverage, to make the elliptical back into my beeyotch.

On the brighter side, the scale is heading back down rapidly. Yeah water!

In the meantime, I am just sitting here watching Weddning Crashers, which is alternately painful and hilarious. The actress who plays the crazy, red-haired daughter? Is a total genius.

Where the $%&@ is my iPod?

I am heading to the gym. It closes at 9PM, and it's now 7:55PM.

I guess the accountability factor is kicking in?

I'm SO not laughing.

Got up this morning- weighed in.

MAJOR scale freakout- I gained. After being Miss Priss about my intake yesterday, this was definitely a blow to my confidence. (Random thoughts, like, "Are those $%^&ing truffles coming back to haunt me?!" drifted blazing through my head.)

I am going to blame it on my renewed water intake of yesterday. The theory is that I was so horrible about drinking the H2O that the ol' bod went into dehydration mode and is now retaining water. This is backed up by a ring-check- swollen fingers. So hopefully, I am not entirely delusional. And just in case I am, a gym visit is planned for this afternoon.

I did buy some new clothing this weekend- palazzo pants (the long ones) in dark brown and charcoal gray. A couple of tank tops with beading- one chocolate brown, one really dark brown (to go with the new palazzo pants!). A black BCBG tracksuit (yeah, I know- but it's SO comfy!) Oh, and a black bodysuit, for use under those low-rise jeans that sort of fit now. So I can cease and desist with the underwear visibility paranoia.

In other news, my snap-front lab coat for work now fits me comfortably. After I washed it, it developed a disturbing tendancy to unsnap the bottom two snaps when I bent over. Which yes, is embarrassing, but is also unfortunately true.

I have class to teach today- it's the demon children, and we are building rockets. Surprisingly this activity is pretty low-key- or outwardly appears to be, at any rate. I have the rest of the week off, and I am looking forward to the regular exercise and the cleaning that shall commence in short order.

Monday Rundown, 4/3/06

BAH!

So, I gained this week. Like 1.5 lbs.

Here's what I did wrong: got sick (well, duh!) and then- I stopped eating. And, stopped drinking water. And stopped exercising.

Oh, and then? I went to SF to visit my sister. And I didn't exercise there, either. Or drink water. Or log my calories, although I had some moments of serious anxiety about that.

Yeah- the eating thing?

Well, at first I didn't remember doing anything incredibly horrible. I ate a lot of sushi and salad.

Although there was some alcohol. And some burritos. And a hamburger frm In-N-Out. Oh, and some potato chips (OK, a whole bag of salt and vinegar), which means I am probably retaining water like nobody's business.

Oh, and about 8 vanilla mochis. Which are the fruits of the devil, although (if you're eating ONE instead of eight) they are excellent for portion control.

Then I thought some more, and remembered that we watched the movie Chocolat, and the combo of alluring images of chocolate and Johnny Depp sent my sister into sensory overload, and she broke out the Godiva truffles. And uh, evidently I was similarly affected- because I ate four.

So yeah. I know where the weight came from. And I consider myself lucky to have left it at that.

Right back on the wagon today!